It's been a while.....

Wow....I had truly intended for this blog to be like therapy for me.  My last entry was over 5 years ago, and Lynn was still alive, as was Phil, and now they're both gone, as are my parents.

SO many things have happened since then.  To name a few:  Lynn died December 21, 2010, Phil died August 16, 2011, JP was born June 7, 2012, Dad died December 8, 2015, and Mom died December 25, 2015.

See what I mean?  Lots of shit has happened.  I'm going to go ahead and post this entry and do my best to write entries more often.

Stages

I've never been one to feel as old as my age would have me be, but lately, I've started feeling as if I've aged two lifetimes in the last 8 months. I've heard it said that when someone is told they have a disease that will likely end their life, there are stages they go through: shock & denial, pain & guilt, anger & bargaining, depression/reflection/loneliness, reconstruction, and acceptance & hope. I'm not the one with cancer, but I don't think I've been through all those stages, and am wondering if that's a bad thing.

If I were to guess which of those I'm at right now, it could very well be a combination of denial and depression, as well as pain and anger. I've never been one to necessarily do things the way most people do. I haven't always been a follower. I've walked my own road, and I supposed I've used my own rules from time to time, but it doesn't lessen the pain when you feel like you're adrift at sea and someone is passing you by in a speed boat. You shout out for help, and they shout back, "I can't right now. I've got something more important to do!" Where does that leave you? What are you supposed to be feeling when someone clearly chooses to deny the fact that you need help and they very possibly do not have what it takes to give you that help.

I don't care. I need support, and when I ask for it, I do NOT expect someone to jump to do my bidding, but for pete's sake, at least acknowledge the fact that you know I'm asking for help, and don't try to explain why you can't help. Just tell me you can't. Don't make excuses because that just makes me think you didn't really want to help that much to begin with.

People say, "Call me if you need anything," all the time, but just how many of us really mean it?

Live life as if someone were writing a book about you. How do you want to be remembered? You can't leave out the bad parts, where you make a mistake, or where you hurt someone else, but you must make every effort to do better, and learn from your mistakes. There is always someone else out there who is in a much worse situation than you.

Today has been one heck of a week

Today has been one heck of a week! I'm still getting the hang of doing the blog....hey, that sounds like a dance, doesn't it? I digress. My intentions, most especially toward myself, were fairly clear when I started this blog, and that was to post something at least once a month. I haven't accomplished that. Would it matter if I said I haven't because I drive 30 miles to and from work, working 8 hours with people who can be quite frustrating and demanding at the same time? No? Well, how about that by the time I get home from work, and start thinking about fixing supper for us, do the dishes (IF I have enough energy to do them), maybe do some laundry, one of the last things I think about is struggling with what to say in this blog, how about that?

(sigh) Okay, I'm really not trying to start a pity party, but hey, if you want to join, the more the merrier, right? And I'm still trying to figure out if the format is going to be diary-type, or more about baking (you know, "I Am The Cookie Lady" does kind of give the impression it's all about food). Maybe I'll just use it to rant and rave to the cyber world, or whoever sees this, just to vent, maybe harmlessly so I don't consider other, less than kindly options.

I'm also learning how to add photos and insert dialogue inbetween each photo, but for now, will most likely just add one at a time. The picture on this post is of Lynn's new recliner. Wait, let me correct that. It's of SAMMY'S new recliner, because he has pretty much staked his claim of it, and only "allows" Lynn to use it. We actually got it because the one he was using most recently was almost on it's last leg, so we avoided having to do without, and went shopping this past weekend. It's really quite comfortable, and I can even sit in there, with Lynn AND Sammy, so the picture isn't distorted. It really IS that big.

I need to sign off here for now, so, keep on keepin' on, y'all. Keep the rubber to the road and the shiny side up. Yes, that's something else I like to do: spout little one line phrases.

Step one of many

As just another "first step" in my life, I'm starting a blog. The title may sound as if it will be all about baking, but it won't. I just couldn't come up with a title that shouted, "That's you in a nutshell," so, the next option was to use what I'm most frequently referred to, and that's "The Cookie Lady." Thank you to Tom Stidham of the KU Music Department for providing me with that nick name several years ago.

Lynn (my favorite hubby) suggested I also use this blog to post a running tally of how many chocolate chip cookies I bake during the basketball season. I'll have to do that with my next post, but I can tell you this much. I've baked HUNDREDS already.

I'm still trying to figure out how to arrange photos in between the text, so bear with me. The first photo taken around Christmas 2008 of of Suzy wearing one of the gifts given to hear and Joey for baby Shoup.

Alrighty then, I think that's plenty for the first entry. I have no clue how often I'll be updating this, but please, feel free to follow along. OH, and I WILL be using this to post photos of our little "smile factory," also known as Jackson Shoup (our first grandchild). He has been the bright spot on some not so sunny days these past several months. (i'll share more about that later).

Until the next time, dust off your recipes and try something new. I just did.