Stages

I've never been one to feel as old as my age would have me be, but lately, I've started feeling as if I've aged two lifetimes in the last 8 months. I've heard it said that when someone is told they have a disease that will likely end their life, there are stages they go through: shock & denial, pain & guilt, anger & bargaining, depression/reflection/loneliness, reconstruction, and acceptance & hope. I'm not the one with cancer, but I don't think I've been through all those stages, and am wondering if that's a bad thing.

If I were to guess which of those I'm at right now, it could very well be a combination of denial and depression, as well as pain and anger. I've never been one to necessarily do things the way most people do. I haven't always been a follower. I've walked my own road, and I supposed I've used my own rules from time to time, but it doesn't lessen the pain when you feel like you're adrift at sea and someone is passing you by in a speed boat. You shout out for help, and they shout back, "I can't right now. I've got something more important to do!" Where does that leave you? What are you supposed to be feeling when someone clearly chooses to deny the fact that you need help and they very possibly do not have what it takes to give you that help.

I don't care. I need support, and when I ask for it, I do NOT expect someone to jump to do my bidding, but for pete's sake, at least acknowledge the fact that you know I'm asking for help, and don't try to explain why you can't help. Just tell me you can't. Don't make excuses because that just makes me think you didn't really want to help that much to begin with.

People say, "Call me if you need anything," all the time, but just how many of us really mean it?

Live life as if someone were writing a book about you. How do you want to be remembered? You can't leave out the bad parts, where you make a mistake, or where you hurt someone else, but you must make every effort to do better, and learn from your mistakes. There is always someone else out there who is in a much worse situation than you.